HEATHER'S 16th ANGELVERSARY

Details: Created: Tuesday, 21 February 2023 19:37; Written by Lucy Kirkby

Today is February 21, 2023. It is the 16 year Angelversary of my sweet Heather’s leaving this earth to go to Heaven. Just as Heather’s 21 years seemed to go by in a blink of an eye, the last 16 years have passed by in what seems like such a slow pace. A slow, haunting pace. I am broken by things you don’t see. The sight of young girls living with physical challenges, the knowledge of Heather’s friends from school now married with children of their own, and thoughts of wondering where she’d be today, as the song goes. What song, you ask? Watch the video and it will make sense.

The most haunting memory I carry is one that thankfully, you cannot imagine. It is the memory of what it was like for me that day to place a kiss upon that casket perched above a grave and have to turn and walk away. Some days the memories still knock the wind out of me.

Losing a child, no matter what their age, changes who you are at your very core. It is the greatest loss a human can experience. There is no pain like the broken heart of a grieving Mother. Grief is the last act of love we have to give those we loved. and will forever love. Where there is grief, there was, is, great love.

I’ll always be a Mom to my child in Heaven. I am a woman of great strength. I am the Mother of an Angel.

Words to My beautiful Heather:

My sweet girl, girl. Today is sunny and warm. Just as it seems to always be. Just as the day you left us. As if it is my uniform for the day, I wore a purple shirt. Not just any shade of purple, but “your” shade of purple, with one of the purple bows pinned over my heart. I listened to Drops of Jupiter, by Train, and was flooded with so many thoughts and memories of you.

Not a day goes by that you are not on my mind. I still look for your “signs” and speak to you. I know in my heart that you are able to feel my love and hear my words. I long to see you in a dream, to hear your voice, your laughter, even your snarky comments. I want to feel your arms around me, to hold your soft hand, and brush your beautiful hair again. Your artwork is among my most cherished and valued possessions. Especially your last few years artwork. It was such a labor of love for you to make it.

You are the most beautiful thing I keep in my heart. I continue to speak of you, to celebrate your birthday, to look at and show your pictures to others, to listen to your favorite songs, and, as I promised you, collect the Willow Tree Angels that you loved so much. I am determined to keep your memory alive. The love that you spread in this world was too special to allow to be forgotten.

My Heather, My girl girl. I love you to Heaven and back. You took a piece of me with you when you left. Please continue to watch over us all, especially your little sisters. Continue to send us your undeniable ”signs” that you are here with us. They remind us of the love we share and of what is truly important in life.

You are forever my heart. I miss you. I love you.

My Heather. My Girl Girl.

Love you much,

Mom

A side note:

Yesterday, I went to a store. There was a mother, a grandmother, and a special needs daughter. As I walked around the store, the daughter kept looking at me. I would smile at her. I tried not to look at her because with her long, brown hair she made me think you. I didn’t want to cry. It doesn’t take much to make me get all teary, especially at this time of year.

The girl came up to me and said "Hi." I said hi back. She said her name was Samantha. I told her she has a beautiful name. She asked my name. I told her. I was really trying to not have a conversation with her out of fear of crying. It wasn’t her. It was the fact that it was Heather’s Angelversary Eve.

Samantha proceeded to introduce me to her Grandmother and Mother. Ugh, I was feeling the tears lurking in the backs of my eyes. I said my hellos, and said nice to meet you all. I did ask Samantha how old she was. She didn’t look as old as she was. She said she was 20 years old. Gosh… now I was really holding off those lurking tears. The Mom asked me if I was okay. I told her yes, that I lost my daughter who was 21 years old and developed special needs due to HD, and her 16 year Angelversary was the next day. I told her that her daughter was beautiful and it had made my day to meet her. I
wished them well and , made my exit to purchase the “Heather” purple shirt I had found. As I walked to my vehicle, I noticed a stain on the pavement next to my vehicle. It was in the shape of a big heart.
There it was, clear as day, undeniable, and oh so welcomed and needed, my sign from my Heather. There was no holding back those lurking tears now! The only difference in releasing them right then? Now, they were happy tears instead of sad tears.

I continue to see “heart signs” when I need them. Heaven sent? Most definitely so. I am a believer. 💜