HEATHER'S 13th ANGELVERSARY

Details: Created: Friday, 21 February 2020 12:12; Written by Lucy Kirkby

Today is the 13 year Angelversary of My Heather’s passing. It is a cold, but sunny day outside. Every day spent without my beautiful Heather is a hard day, but this day is always the most difficult. The greatest test of all time is having to walk on the path of grief every single day of your life and surviving despite the pain. Grief is like an earthquake. The first one hits you and your world falls apart. Even after you put your world back together again, there are aftershocks and you never really know when those will come. Today especially, the aftershocks just seem to keep coming in waves of sadness.

My grief journey has no one destination. I will not ever “get over it” as some like to say. The understanding that I don’t have to be done is liberating. I will mourn my Heather’s death for the rest of my life. Not until you have lost a child do you know how it feels to be sad every single day, even when you experience joy. The other day someone said to me, “I don’t know how you do it.” I replied, “I wasn’t given a choice.”

When I’m asked how I’m doing, I say “pretty good” or “fine.” But the truth is that healing from the death of my Heather will take me a lifetime. I will never truly be “fine.” It’s been said that there is no greater love than that between a mother and child. I will add to that thought by saying that there is no greater grief than losing a child. I hurt in places you couldn’t imagine, at a level beyond your comprehension. If you could feel this pain for just a day, you’d see how strong I am. Although today, I am not that strong. I struggle to hold “it” together. And you know what? It’s ok. I’m allowed. I am missing a part of my heart that now lives in Heaven.

To my beautiful Heather, my girl girl,

Remembering you is easy. I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away. Whenever I’m missing you, I also remember how fortunate I was that you were in my life. I wouldn’t trade those moments for the world. I often wonder what I’d say to you if I could see you one more time. And I’ve come to the conclusion that there aren’t words in our language for that moment. I would simply hold you and cry and I’d whisper that I love you and miss you. I always have, I always will. Our hearts don’t really need any words at all. You left and forgot to tell my heart how to go on without you. I held your hand for a while, but I hold your heart forever. I will hold you in my heart until I hold you in Heaven.

Please continue to send your “signs” to us to help remind us that you are watching over us and to remind us of what is truly important in this life. Love, Faith, Family and Friends. A reminder to hold our loved ones close. To love unconditionally and to cherish one another. Not to take our time together for granted. We never know what God’s plan is for us and when he plans to call us home to Heaven.

It goes without saying that purple is still the color of the day (and most days) and listening to Drops of Jupiter is a must for today. My Heather, My Girl Girl. I love you so much. I pray that you know and feel this in your heart. I am honored to have had you for my daughter. I thank God for the 21 years that we were together. I LOVE YOU.

Love,
Your Mama